Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
