Going to get a "plan B"urrito
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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