I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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