you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you would pick up someone in the library
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
