dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
