I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
