she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
