I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
