Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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