Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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