It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
