do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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