I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
