Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
