Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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