There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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