i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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