Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So. Much. Porn.
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