Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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