Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
