So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
