i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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