it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
