You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
