Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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