This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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