I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell her she can't have a vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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