sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
