I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
