your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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