ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
