Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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