you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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