On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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