that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
