I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to calm my uterus...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
