You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I died a long time ago.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
