glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
