Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
