Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
