is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
