Please, let me fuck your mom
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
