i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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