I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
