***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
