2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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