Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
