if i can run in heels then i can drive
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just pee around me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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