Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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