Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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