Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
