How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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